Going for what makes me happy – 7 steps forward, 2 steps backward

Following the my live for now post…

In this light bulb moment and through attempts of being hopeful and positive – realizing that YES – Events is what makes me happy! YES – that’s what I am going to do… YES YES YES!

Right let’s get going then.

Step one  – I engaged with HR to let them know that this is what I was interested in and how can I move forward. Responses weren’t great as I know in most corporate environments  – Event Manager roles don’t open up very often. It’s the best of both – normal working hours (Monday – Friday) and then you attend, oversee and manage the events which you’ve been planning. (not every weekend / evening as it would be at a venue). The feedback I got was, give yourself a time frame and if nothing opens up, you need to look at what else you can do instead of. – I wasn’t very happy with that feedback and didn’t give it much though either…

Step two – not even a week later, an Event Manager role opened up within my company. My thoughts, “Wow – how perfect is God’s timing…” I immediately enquired about the vacancy, updated my CV and applied. The thing is though – my CV details Event Coordinator as opposed to Event Manager which is what the role is for, however on the job spec – I can very capably do and have done everything listed and more. What’s a title anyway?

Step three – I continue to wait without feedback on my application. A week following this my hubby calls me about a vacancy at his company – Whaaaat? Another Event Manager vacancy within a corporate environment at the same time I just so happen to make this decision for a career move? Thoughts: “God loves me so much, He’s even giving me options here!” I forward my CV and then read the Job Spec – again the same thing… very capable and am able to do all that is listed. The nerd inside me gets excited about the ‘extra work’. I want this position more than the one at my current company.

Step four – I start praying for this, about this and before the words come out my mouth, I think, “Come on God, you owe me one!” Did I seriously just think that? Was I seriously just about to pray that? God doesn’t owe me anything! I have salvation. He gave His son to die on the cross for my sins… How dare I say He owes me. I should be more than grateful for what I have, which I am… and I keep trying to remember and find it in my heart to be content with the fact that even if I have nothing, I have eternal salvation and that is more than enough!

Step five – Post my little selfish moment, I begin trying to let go. I try pray – letting the words follow, “Lord, its in your hands” – Praying this doesn’t seem right, doesn’t feel as though I can do it. Look at what happened that last time I did that. Look at what happened the last time I trusted God. The more logical me starts thinking, mmmm okay – all in God’s timing. So, if this is it, and I know God is very good at multi-tasking, perhaps this is the start of my healing process – perhaps this is the time for me to trust again, to allow God to answer my prayers.(‘allow God’ – as if I’ve been able to stop Him, as if I even have  a say in what God does in my life) Who is this person with these thoughts?

I know these answers, I know the comments I make don’t make sense, I know that regardless of the outcome I want – God has a plan and is in control (weather I allow Him to be or ‘not’)

Step six – Still waiting to hear back from any of the companies on an interview or feedback… Get excited that I have some direction – this is what I want, this is where I want to be. It’s the first time in a long time which I have applied for a post and thought to myself… “I want this job!” as opposed to, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen…”

My stomach turns as it suddenly hits me, what do I do if I don’t get the job, what do I do if I don’t even get an interview? Mmmmmm – and that’s where my thinking stopped.

Step seven – today… I finally got some feedback, “Unfortunately we are looking for someone with more experience… “ Seriously? Now what?

Here comes a little moan – and I’m sorry – the question everyone always asks – Why? Why can’t I get a break? Why can’t I do what makes me happy? Have I been wrong all along about what I need? God, help me here… I need something!!!

Then when I put my emotions one side, a little bit of hope pops its head out of the covers… who knew hope still lived here? Maybe this is God saying that I don’t have to chose between the two roles – this only leaving me available for the one I actually really want?

Time to move back up to Step five.. Praying and Trusting God for the job I want!

Live for now

As you will have read in my previous blogs – lots on the cards these days (and possibly yes, doing lots and keeping busy to distract me from dealing with things) – regardless. Following an incredible course I went on with work called IDJ (Individual Development Journey), I have discovered lots about myself and thinking about it now, possibly began my healing process.

This through living for now. Living my life now –  instead of if or when.

That being said (and I don’t remember if I repeating myself in these posts) – I have decided to go back into Events. It is what makes me happy, it is what I am good it, It is where I feel fulfilled. 5 years ago, when Franco and I came back from our work experience in Europe, Franco went back into the insurance field (which he is really good at) and I went on to doing PA work (which I am also good at, but not necessarily my passion). I didn’t go back into events because I didn’t want to work the dreadful hours event managers do – I felt it wasn’t fair to my family.  I would often joke with my hubby when I felt I was missing the events and travelling that I couldn’t go back to it because I had to stay here and be his wife. Closing my statement with, “I just need to figure out what else makes me happy”

Fast-forward to today, I have realized that I actually don’t have to figure out what else makes me happy and I didn’t have to leave the events industry for “my family”, because here we are 5 years later, still waiting for my family (not that we started trying for a baby 5 years ago… it’s only been 2) none the less, instead of being happy, feeling fulfilled, living in the moment and then deciding it was time for a career change (if at all) when my family arrived.

Oh boy – I can bang my head against the wall sometimes, its like a light bulb has suddenly be screwed in.

Do what makes you happy for now and IF you aren’t happy when the situation changes, then look for something else.

For so long have always tried to be 10 steps ahead… don’t under estimate the quote, by John Lennon “life is what happens when you’re busy making plans”