Following the my live for now post…
In this light bulb moment and through attempts of being hopeful and positive – realizing that YES – Events is what makes me happy! YES – that’s what I am going to do… YES YES YES!
Right let’s get going then.
Step one – I engaged with HR to let them know that this is what I was interested in and how can I move forward. Responses weren’t great as I know in most corporate environments – Event Manager roles don’t open up very often. It’s the best of both – normal working hours (Monday – Friday) and then you attend, oversee and manage the events which you’ve been planning. (not every weekend / evening as it would be at a venue). The feedback I got was, give yourself a time frame and if nothing opens up, you need to look at what else you can do instead of. – I wasn’t very happy with that feedback and didn’t give it much though either…
Step two – not even a week later, an Event Manager role opened up within my company. My thoughts, “Wow – how perfect is God’s timing…” I immediately enquired about the vacancy, updated my CV and applied. The thing is though – my CV details Event Coordinator as opposed to Event Manager which is what the role is for, however on the job spec – I can very capably do and have done everything listed and more. What’s a title anyway?
Step three – I continue to wait without feedback on my application. A week following this my hubby calls me about a vacancy at his company – Whaaaat? Another Event Manager vacancy within a corporate environment at the same time I just so happen to make this decision for a career move? Thoughts: “God loves me so much, He’s even giving me options here!” I forward my CV and then read the Job Spec – again the same thing… very capable and am able to do all that is listed. The nerd inside me gets excited about the ‘extra work’. I want this position more than the one at my current company.
Step four – I start praying for this, about this and before the words come out my mouth, I think, “Come on God, you owe me one!” Did I seriously just think that? Was I seriously just about to pray that? God doesn’t owe me anything! I have salvation. He gave His son to die on the cross for my sins… How dare I say He owes me. I should be more than grateful for what I have, which I am… and I keep trying to remember and find it in my heart to be content with the fact that even if I have nothing, I have eternal salvation and that is more than enough!
Step five – Post my little selfish moment, I begin trying to let go. I try pray – letting the words follow, “Lord, its in your hands” – Praying this doesn’t seem right, doesn’t feel as though I can do it. Look at what happened that last time I did that. Look at what happened the last time I trusted God. The more logical me starts thinking, mmmm okay – all in God’s timing. So, if this is it, and I know God is very good at multi-tasking, perhaps this is the start of my healing process – perhaps this is the time for me to trust again, to allow God to answer my prayers.(‘allow God’ – as if I’ve been able to stop Him, as if I even have a say in what God does in my life) Who is this person with these thoughts?
I know these answers, I know the comments I make don’t make sense, I know that regardless of the outcome I want – God has a plan and is in control (weather I allow Him to be or ‘not’)
Step six – Still waiting to hear back from any of the companies on an interview or feedback… Get excited that I have some direction – this is what I want, this is where I want to be. It’s the first time in a long time which I have applied for a post and thought to myself… “I want this job!” as opposed to, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen…”
My stomach turns as it suddenly hits me, what do I do if I don’t get the job, what do I do if I don’t even get an interview? Mmmmmm – and that’s where my thinking stopped.
Step seven – today… I finally got some feedback, “Unfortunately we are looking for someone with more experience… “ Seriously? Now what?
Here comes a little moan – and I’m sorry – the question everyone always asks – Why? Why can’t I get a break? Why can’t I do what makes me happy? Have I been wrong all along about what I need? God, help me here… I need something!!!
Then when I put my emotions one side, a little bit of hope pops its head out of the covers… who knew hope still lived here? Maybe this is God saying that I don’t have to chose between the two roles – this only leaving me available for the one I actually really want?
Time to move back up to Step five.. Praying and Trusting God for the job I want!
love, hope & grace 